I just don't know anymore, recently I have been absent from the sight from the site for about almost a week or longer. I really miss being on this site with such sweet and amazing people especially the friends I made, you guys always make me so happy. I just have been trying to get a handle on my feelings, I feel like I am going mad that I can't even control my own thoughts and that what's scares me the most. I don't understand why I have such dark thoughts, it could be for many reasons since I try to fit in some of my OCs personalities for my writings but this is a whole other stage that theses thoughts are cause me to get, anxiety and paranoia of my surroundings and actions. Like it's scaring the living Sh*t out of me cause I have had a friend who had to cope with depression and suicidal thoughts, and a teacher, like I'm starting to feel that it is 1000% true what that teacher told me at the end of the school year. She told me, me and her is similar always wanting to help others before your self, doing so much to make everyone happy, but eventually it's too much an you will burn ur self out to the point where you think ur failing everyone around and that's what ripping your mind apart. Even when she told me that I definitely have depression after seeing my behavior change the whole year, I agreed with her right away.. ik I probably have some and it's weighing down my mind. I have been planning on going to see a therapist to figure out what's going on in my big head and find out how to stop it even though I'm pretty sure they are going to try an get me on some medication even though I hate taking pills of any sort -_- but I'm at this point were I am aware something is going on with me even my bf can tell, an eventually my family will so it's just better to bring this to their attention now so I can get better. Because i really can't take not drawing it is killing me more than my freakin mind is! Being so stress from worrying, and paranoia crap is getting on my damn nerves, I don't want to feel like the bad thoughts are winning i have always been a fighter even if I'm almost of energy I'm still going to keep fighting with all I got.